Sunday, January 1, 2012

Happy New Year!

Well, 2012 is upon us. New Year, New Life...right? The concept of changing for the new year seems wonderful. I think a new day can begin at any point but I applaud people for doing whatever they need to so they can become their best. With that being said I don't do any resolutions. This year, I can't wait to see what happens and I can't wait to see myself  learning and growing more little by little every day. And, to me, that is a Happy New Year!

Friday, December 9, 2011

What Happened?!

 If you remember, in October, I wrote a funny and interesting blog in which I discussed a playwright. While I have no interest in him, he seems to still be interested in me. He felt need to sit near me last week at church and strike up a conversation as if it was ok to talk during church. He then proceed to ask if he was going to meet his future in laws when I told him to get up because I was saving seats for my parents. I would comment on this but I don't even think its worth it. SMH...why?

The real reason of this post is to obviously address the person I mentioned in my October post. Well he is no more. Yes, I know I said it was promising. And yes, I was slightly disappointed. It left me wondering What Happened?! I think because I'm not really a dater and because I'm not used to meeting people and figuring people out, its a bit odd to talk with someone and hang out..then one day a conversation changes everything. Leaving one confused on what happened. I have several ideas on why I don't think this situation worked out. And to be honest, somewhere deep within me, if I as Oprah says, "stand in my truth", didn't think it would work out. And don't look for me to trash the guy, I'm not. I don't think he is a bad  guy at all. I do think the timing of our meeting may have played a role in it not working out but, I'm also learning that it really doesn't make sense for me to put too much time and energy into figuring out the why.(Wow, its only taken me getting to age 31 to realize that...but thank God for revelation!)

*Update* Because I received a couple of questions by people who wanted to know what happened...here it goes. We had went to the movies the day before and I asked, "Is there a reason you seem distant" He replies, "I'm going to have to think about that." The next day at the end of a normal phone conversation he basically says he hasn't gotten the feeling that we should be together, and felt that I wanted that right now. (Which I found interesting, since we had already clarified that I'm cool with getting to know someone but not willing to take 5-6 months to do that with no commitment. We were only a little over 2 months. Especially if I talk to you daily and see you every week. Which was his only real benefit but I feel getting my attention and company is important.) My response to this was, "OK, I understand." And I essentially said a little more than that, but without being upset I just said it was better to cut our losses now. He wanted to still talk as friends, I felt that we couldn't do that right now. *shrugs* (That is the long and short of it. I do have an excellent memory but feel I don't need to completely go over the entire convo.)  So I haven't talked to him since.

Getting older has helped me to realize that someone has to like me the way I am. Including my desire to want to be in a relationship, at an appropriate time, and not be a "friend."And if for whatever reason he, we, or me decides that its time to move on...I don't need to worry about what happened. All I need to do is keep working on becoming the best me I can be because I'm the only person that I can control.

"Because you gotta know when to fold 'em, know when to hold 'em, know when to walk away...know when to run. "  From the Gambler sung by Kenny Rogers  (Sorry, I am from Texas and like Country Music.)

Do you have any stories to share about moving forward?



Saturday, October 15, 2011

Fall into Fun!

I cannot believe I haven't written since July! I'm sorry! I think I haven't written because I haven't been able to post new messages from my phone. I'm definitely going to do better. The good news is that because I haven't posted. I have ALOT to say. So let me get down to business...

The last post I wrote was about my crush. Well I don't know if I still have that same school girl crush. I mainly decided that crushes, while fun for a little bit, have actually been my downfall in life. I have been getting school girl crushes since middle school and none of them, I repeat NONE, have turned into anything substantive. This is usually because the guy doesn't ever end up being anything more than a friend. Now that used to make me feel something was wrong with me. Now that I'm older I think that it might have to do with the fact that guys like to chase and if I am putting forth effort, when he doesn't...it never seems to work out for me. I could be wrong but I said all of that to say the crush is on HOLD. And seriously on hold at that, in fact I'm almost willing to say its dropped until further notice. This is also because I was told that I overlook guys I put in the "friend zone" which is an idea I am still trying to figure out.

I have also had the opportunity, because I'm flirty and 30, to go on dates with new people! I cannot believe how being open has provided me with the opportunity to have so much fun and get funny stories to go with it! As always, to protect the innocent, I will not give out names or addresses. LOL! I will however provide enough detail for narrative purposes. So guy 1, let's call him play wright, occurred a while ago. I was volunteering at my church back to school event when this guy, who I kind of felt I had seen before, came up to me and introduced himself. He also gave me a flyer for his play. When he shook my hand he said wow you have a beautiful smile. Then he said, how are you going to look 12 with grey hair? (He also touched my hair..smh) I felt that was rude, but whatever. He then asked how old I was. I told him 30. I ignored most of his ridiculous banter because I was volunteering as I said. He continues to talk briefly and goes away. Around 10 minutes later play wright returns and picks up my left hand to look for a wedding ring. He wanted to know if I was married and how old I was so he would know if it was ok to flirt with me. I proceed to tell him I wasn't married and that I was 30. So he asked me to go to lunch with him, I said no. So he told me to call him and use the number on his flyer, he added that he didn't like rejection.  While all of this seems ridiculous, I texted him because I felt I needed material for my blog. And boy, did I get it. About 5 days later he calls me at 9:50 to say hello. I talk to him for 10 minutes and schedule a more suitable talk time. He never calls that day. A week later, he sends a text message after calling at a late hour, asking why I didn't call him. Which makes no sense because he scheduled a talk time with me. So eventually we schedule another talk time and he calls 2 hours later than he stated. We talk and I find out basic, and I do mean basic info on himself. To make a long and interesting story short, I eventually meet the guy at a starbucks where I  found out he was 35, divorced and had 3 kids. Now none of these things are a problem in and of themselves, except he made alot of statements that were.

Problem #1- He has issues with darker skinned women
While I might not be darker skinned per se, and don't fight me on that we all know I believe I am brown. This man proceeded to tell me that His grandfather told him that darker skinned women were only good to have sex with and that women my color or lighter are wife material.


Problem #2- He cheated on his ex wife and admitted he used to fornicate ALOT.
Now I used his words not mine, but he did tell me the reason for his divorce from his wife of 10 years. He cheated and he said he confessed to her. However, when I asked if his wife was darker skinned he said yes, and I asked well do you think that's why you cheated? He said, hmm maybe that is why maybe I was rebelling...smh. If you are confused please read problem #1.

Problem #3- He called me his fiance at church in front of other people.
I tried to ignore him reciting poetry to  me at starbucks and him getting down on one knee "to practice" for later when we got up to leave at starbucks. I mean I really ignored that and tried to believe he was just "dramatic" but when he felt need to call me his fiance...I was done for real. I was walking out of church after seeing him the day before briefly at starbucks, and its obvious he wants to say hello. I see him with two of his kids and felt I should speak and move on. But he decided to try to stop me puts his arm around me and introduces me as his fiance to one of the door greeters. She smiles and says hello. I say with a messed up look on my face no ma'am I'm not. Mind you his children are standing there looking confused because they have no idea who I am. DONE...I was done. He called me later that day and I told him that I was going to have to observe him from afar. Smh....

In other news. I have been on SEVERAL dates with someone else. I won't provide details on that. I will just keep you all waiting for a new blog post but this looks very promising. ;-) And no matter what, I'm having a GREAT TIME!!!

XOXO
Single Girl

Sunday, July 3, 2011

So, I kind of have a crush...

I have still been busy working so I haven't thought about writing often. However, recently I've been faced with something new and uncomfortable. I have a crush. The dead give away was my blushing and school girl giggling.

I feel like this person is at some level interested in me but because he is nice to everyone I don't want to put too much thought into it. (So I guess that's why I'm writing an entire blog post about him...sigh) He makes comments on aspects of my personality that he likes, not just the fact that he thinks I'm attractive. He is perplexed as to why I am single, because he doesn't understand how someone could pass me up. He comments on my beauty in a way that is respectful and makes sure to give me a smile that leads me to believe he wants to be more than just friends. Which in theory are great things. But because I refuse to pursue and insist on being pursued, I will continue to be observant and see where this all leads, if it even leads anywhere at all. I had a male friend tell me that I am playing down my interest just so I'm not disappointed...and he is probably right.

I am being objective because I don't really know the guy and I want to make sure I get to know him before I allow him to take up too much mental space. I'm sure in time it will be revealed if he is going to become apart of my life, but for now its nice to know someone appreciates me. (Especially someone that can make me blush and giggle.)

Friday, May 13, 2011

Work and Relationships

Long time no write. I haven't really written because I've been very busy with work. And because I don't think there is anything new to report. Because I'm working so much I don't have time to think about anything except work and where God wants me to be. Things should be slowing down for me very soon and maybe I'll think about it. Likely, I won't.

I realized that work can come in the way of relationships if you let it. Maybe that's why some people want to find someone to date at work. If you read my post on dating someone at work I'm sure you will see that I disagree with that option. I guess part of being 30 is wanting to be established. And I am trying to make sure I understand where I am supposed to be in life. I recently decided that a "friend," and I use that term because we never defined ourselves as more than that, needed to remain just a "friend." And while I think that at this time my decision was correct, I did kind of wonder...was that a mistake?

It would be very easy for me to fall into my past routine of thinking that something is wrong with me for being single, but I refuse to do that. I am well aware that from past experiences, read my posts on ex-boyfriends and settling, that I no longer want to live that way. Part of really living a full single life is accepting periods where you may not be dating someone or going on dates. And to be quite honest, I'm really ok with that. I am happy that I can begin to focus on my future and realize that the more wonderful I feel about myself and my life, I am in some way drawing all sorts of wonderful things into it. And someday that will include love.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Spring Fling!

While that's the title of the blog...I do not have a spring fling. But, I do have a question for the readers out there. What did you think of the publicized article by Tracy McMillan?

Here is the link if you need it:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tracy-mcmillan/why-youre-not-married_b_822088.html

I thought the article was hilarious. But more importantly it touched on some really important truths that I think have to be dealt with. Many women are confused into thinking that they can place numerous demands on a man that they feel they "deserve" when often we don't want to face the fact that we may not be living up to being the best version of ourself. And when I say best version please don't think I am only referring to cooking, cleaning, or being a "perfect" housewife and mother. I am referring to qualities like knowing how to support a man emotionally and being a good friend. Intangible qualities, that mean you are suitable to supporting a lifelong partnership.

In Hill Harper's book the conversation he says many women are funny and fantastic with friends but dull on dates. They change their persona when dating men, usually due to baggage or fear. Maybe you are already working on you , or maybe you feel you have it all together and the men are the ones messed up. I don't know but I would like to hear what you think...

Monday, February 14, 2011

Happy Valentine's Day!!! (And why I won't date you if you are pushy)

Well Happy Valentine's Day! I hope you are enjoying this day of fun and love. I have been very reflective today mainly because I have had such discouraging Valentine's Day's in the past. In 2009 I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me and in 2010, my uncle died. This year, I just had a peaceful day. I went to work and came home. No Valentine, well not yet anyway ;-) and I'm OK with that.

I realize that many people think Valentine's Day is silly and not worth our time. I think its a fun day to do cute things for each other however, it shouldn't be the only day you get appreciated. I definitely think you should be appreciated every day.

Well, this post is also about pushy guys. Guys that believe they know what is best for you, guys that get upset when you don't like them back, or guys that just won't stop calling and pursuing you when you have told them they have no chance with you at all. I don't want to sound mean but really one guy in particular tested my patience.

This guy, who's identity I am protecting, asked me on a date. I agreed to go, for fun, and during the date I realized that this would likely just be a one time thing. I didn't feel any connection because it was fairly clear that our core values were not aligned and I felt he wasn't completely past his last relationship which was very serious. The guy however didn't feel the same way about the date and basically felt that he wanted to continue to talk to me and build a "friendship" from afar. This guy by the way doesn't live in the same city with me, in fact he lives thousands of miles away. I realized that this guy didn't want to be just friends when he said he didn't know how to be my friend if I didn't contact him more. I realized this was his way of communicating that he desired more than friendship without just saying that. When I spoke with the guy over the phone, I just asked him if that was what he wanted. He said yes. I proceeded to be honest with him and tell him my reservations about dating him. He didn't like my reasons even though they were sound in my eyes. They were based on our values not being aligned, that I wasn't completely interested in a long distance relationship right now, and that I wasn't sure he was over his last relationship based on conversation.

I thought that I was sharing my feelings/opinions and being honest for his benefit. I didn't want him wasting his time. He however proceeded to listen to all of my reasons and then tell me why he didn't agree with my concerns. I should have realized right then that he didn't get the point. To make a long story short this guy kept calling and texting and still does occasionally. I don't understand why he is being pushy, I guess he feels its persistence. Its a little old. I feel that the thought of him getting rejected is making him work harder to get my attention. All of this is completely interesting to me but when men really like you, they really like you. Make sure to repeat that to a friend who is guessing on if a man likes her. If you have to guess...then he might not be interested. Its clear to me that guys will ensure that they tell you they are interested in you and act accordingly. I just wish that some or really, one, wasn't so pushy.