Friday, December 9, 2011

What Happened?!

 If you remember, in October, I wrote a funny and interesting blog in which I discussed a playwright. While I have no interest in him, he seems to still be interested in me. He felt need to sit near me last week at church and strike up a conversation as if it was ok to talk during church. He then proceed to ask if he was going to meet his future in laws when I told him to get up because I was saving seats for my parents. I would comment on this but I don't even think its worth it. SMH...why?

The real reason of this post is to obviously address the person I mentioned in my October post. Well he is no more. Yes, I know I said it was promising. And yes, I was slightly disappointed. It left me wondering What Happened?! I think because I'm not really a dater and because I'm not used to meeting people and figuring people out, its a bit odd to talk with someone and hang out..then one day a conversation changes everything. Leaving one confused on what happened. I have several ideas on why I don't think this situation worked out. And to be honest, somewhere deep within me, if I as Oprah says, "stand in my truth", didn't think it would work out. And don't look for me to trash the guy, I'm not. I don't think he is a bad  guy at all. I do think the timing of our meeting may have played a role in it not working out but, I'm also learning that it really doesn't make sense for me to put too much time and energy into figuring out the why.(Wow, its only taken me getting to age 31 to realize that...but thank God for revelation!)

*Update* Because I received a couple of questions by people who wanted to know what happened...here it goes. We had went to the movies the day before and I asked, "Is there a reason you seem distant" He replies, "I'm going to have to think about that." The next day at the end of a normal phone conversation he basically says he hasn't gotten the feeling that we should be together, and felt that I wanted that right now. (Which I found interesting, since we had already clarified that I'm cool with getting to know someone but not willing to take 5-6 months to do that with no commitment. We were only a little over 2 months. Especially if I talk to you daily and see you every week. Which was his only real benefit but I feel getting my attention and company is important.) My response to this was, "OK, I understand." And I essentially said a little more than that, but without being upset I just said it was better to cut our losses now. He wanted to still talk as friends, I felt that we couldn't do that right now. *shrugs* (That is the long and short of it. I do have an excellent memory but feel I don't need to completely go over the entire convo.)  So I haven't talked to him since.

Getting older has helped me to realize that someone has to like me the way I am. Including my desire to want to be in a relationship, at an appropriate time, and not be a "friend."And if for whatever reason he, we, or me decides that its time to move on...I don't need to worry about what happened. All I need to do is keep working on becoming the best me I can be because I'm the only person that I can control.

"Because you gotta know when to fold 'em, know when to hold 'em, know when to walk away...know when to run. "  From the Gambler sung by Kenny Rogers  (Sorry, I am from Texas and like Country Music.)

Do you have any stories to share about moving forward?



10 comments:

  1. I'd simply say that whether it took you 31 years or or 31 days...at least you figured out that you ultimately have to understand yourself before any one else will.

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  2. As usual, I love this post and I'm thankful that you shared it! I too was in a somewhat similar situation recently where I had to learn to stand my ground and let go. Things were going so wonderfully well! I met the guy at church, we went to church every week together, prayed together, hung out 2-4 times a week, explored new places in Houston, had great conversations...I mean, I really thought to myself "could this guy turn out to be the prince and not the frog?" Well, long story short...I won't speak badly about him but let's just say he was not the Prince.

    After dating a little over 3 months, he told me that he was still interested in someone from back home but didn't want to stop seeing me. Instead, he wanted to "continue to get to know me" (i.e. continue our normal routine of hanging out & talking) and just slow down a bit. As he tried to explain himself, the only thing that rang in my mind was "this man is not ready and does not know what he wants."

    I really liked him but I refused to be an option after spending so much time together. Therefore, I cut things off. He was shocked by response and didn't quite understand why we couldn't continue dating/talking/whatever but it simply didn't matter.

    Of course, one of my initial thoughts was "why did this happen God" not to mention "how did this just happen!" Nevertheless, instead of questioning and wondering, I moved on. Now this young man continues to make contact every once in a while. I initially ignored his texts, emails and FB messages. However, now I'm cordial...VERY brief in my responses nevertheless cordial.

    I'm just using it as another lesson and experience to learn and grow from =)

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  3. It's good to know what you want, because when you do, it makes it that much easier to see when the other person does not.

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  4. So the gentleman wanted to continue to get to know you, and you didn't like that b/c you thought it would take 5-6 months?

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  5. @Erika- Thank you so much for sharing. I completely relate to what you said about not being an option. I refuse to make someone a priority when I'm only an option. And when someone is unclear it feels like they are doing just that, making you an option. Learning and having new experiences is what dating is all about. We just need to be accepting of the outcome and the truth.

    @Billy-Simply put and I agree. Completely.

    @Vernon-I wasn't really clear on what the guy wanted. In an earlier conversation when the topic came up he said he wanted to get to know each other more and then later on hit me with, "I think you want a relationship right now." So I felt that either he didn't know what he wanted and wanted me to be OK with being an option OR he didn't know how to articulate that he really just felt we should be friends. Either way, I felt that stepping back was the best choice at the time.

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  6. Nice blog! Its K.B. Playwright aside, why arn't you willing to spend 5-6 months getting to know someone before a commitment? How long are you willing to wait? I understand that time is valuable and you don't want to waste it on someone who does not want the same thing out of the "relationship," but timetables can come accross as you rushing things or being extra eager.

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  7. Thanks for the comment! I'm willing to wait a reasonable amount of time, which depends on the person and situation, however, the problem in this instance was the last conversation and communication. We had already discussed that we were getting to know each other and that there was a purpose to that. We settled the issue, from both points of view. He made it very clear he was not trying to waste my time. I made it clear I didn't have a timetable, I just wouldn't wait forever. I believed we were clear. However when he brought up that he thought I wanted a relationship right now again, in the manner described above, I decided maybe he needed some space. I'm not trying to push him and maybe even our earlier discussion was more than he wanted to deal with, although based on all our conversations that didn't make sense to me. If I really wanted to rush a relationship, I would have been in one by now. Being single for almost 3 years by choice doesn't make me want to rush into anything that isn't right for me, or the other person. I believe your perspective if valid and I could, and maybe should, have used that conversation to articulate that. Thanks for commenting!

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