Monday, February 14, 2011

Happy Valentine's Day!!! (And why I won't date you if you are pushy)

Well Happy Valentine's Day! I hope you are enjoying this day of fun and love. I have been very reflective today mainly because I have had such discouraging Valentine's Day's in the past. In 2009 I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me and in 2010, my uncle died. This year, I just had a peaceful day. I went to work and came home. No Valentine, well not yet anyway ;-) and I'm OK with that.

I realize that many people think Valentine's Day is silly and not worth our time. I think its a fun day to do cute things for each other however, it shouldn't be the only day you get appreciated. I definitely think you should be appreciated every day.

Well, this post is also about pushy guys. Guys that believe they know what is best for you, guys that get upset when you don't like them back, or guys that just won't stop calling and pursuing you when you have told them they have no chance with you at all. I don't want to sound mean but really one guy in particular tested my patience.

This guy, who's identity I am protecting, asked me on a date. I agreed to go, for fun, and during the date I realized that this would likely just be a one time thing. I didn't feel any connection because it was fairly clear that our core values were not aligned and I felt he wasn't completely past his last relationship which was very serious. The guy however didn't feel the same way about the date and basically felt that he wanted to continue to talk to me and build a "friendship" from afar. This guy by the way doesn't live in the same city with me, in fact he lives thousands of miles away. I realized that this guy didn't want to be just friends when he said he didn't know how to be my friend if I didn't contact him more. I realized this was his way of communicating that he desired more than friendship without just saying that. When I spoke with the guy over the phone, I just asked him if that was what he wanted. He said yes. I proceeded to be honest with him and tell him my reservations about dating him. He didn't like my reasons even though they were sound in my eyes. They were based on our values not being aligned, that I wasn't completely interested in a long distance relationship right now, and that I wasn't sure he was over his last relationship based on conversation.

I thought that I was sharing my feelings/opinions and being honest for his benefit. I didn't want him wasting his time. He however proceeded to listen to all of my reasons and then tell me why he didn't agree with my concerns. I should have realized right then that he didn't get the point. To make a long story short this guy kept calling and texting and still does occasionally. I don't understand why he is being pushy, I guess he feels its persistence. Its a little old. I feel that the thought of him getting rejected is making him work harder to get my attention. All of this is completely interesting to me but when men really like you, they really like you. Make sure to repeat that to a friend who is guessing on if a man likes her. If you have to guess...then he might not be interested. Its clear to me that guys will ensure that they tell you they are interested in you and act accordingly. I just wish that some or really, one, wasn't so pushy.

2 comments:

  1. Men like the chase. They seem to be more attracted to you the more you tell them "No". I don't get it but that seems to be how it works. I've had my fair share of men who were pushy and couldn't take a hint. At times it's a little un-nerving at how persistent they are even when you are telling them you are not interested.

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  2. I guess they do like the chase. Its really crazy.I guess I am learning how powerful it is when I am confident in my choices. Saying "No" provides freedom because one day, I will say "Yes" to the correct person for me!

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